Setting boundaries may sound like putting walls between you and the people you are connected. But, no! It is not. On the contrary, it is established for the well-being of both sides and their relations. It does not protect only people but also relations of them from detrimental effects of misbalance. Frankly, I was not aware of the literal meaning of the healthy boundary and the necessity of it. It was the impulse of my therapist which woken me up. Being kind, emphatical, understanding, and intimate does not require being out of bounds which most of the people who have issues due to lack of boundaries feel in this way.
We have different kinds of relationships in our lives and each necessitates appropriate limits. What strong healthy boundaries give you should not be undervalued or underestimated. Day by day, after setting boundaries, you will start to feel having high self-esteem. You will not feel obliged anymore to do anything. You will let go of the needy feeling which has made you unassured so far. You will not be worrying about little pointless arguments or heated debates and can not be bothered easily. It is clear so far that boundaries create a safer environment for us. But what about others… The benefits of other sides are inevitably clear too. They will make sure the behaviors and reactions of their partners. They will be feeling safer as well and balanced. Their expectations will be less and sensible.
At first, it will be hard to set boundaries, so we should be straight, slow, and careful. Proceeds of setting them also will not appear as fast as we think. However, when it starts to yield, it will be easier to keep putting them in each relation.
The more immense the topic, the harder it is to start writing about. Here is one of them. Me myself, as a battling and surviving victim of perfectionism, can undoubtedly say that it feels like running on a treadmill.
The downsides of perfectionism are quite a lot. Making life harder than it is, missing rich opportunities because waiting for the quite right time to start it over which does not exist ever, living on edges (no in-betweens), recognizing everything good or bad, black or white, success or failure, right or wrong. However open-minded and clever you are, it still puts blinders on your eyes which inhibit your natural talents and abilities because of the fear of failure.
As is seen, I aspired to mention bad aspects of being a perfectionist concerning having been suffered far too much so far. I believe that any perfectionist is familiar with feeling under the pressure of their very own selves, procrastinating their plans or tasks for more suitable times, not accepting their flaws, self-criticizing more than it should be… Rather than acknowledging their success, being proud and satisfied with what they have, instead, they drown in distress, anxiety, and self-condemnation since their goals are too utopic to become real.
But why do we torture ourselves by insisting on perfectionism which is not a behavior but a way of thinking? I have struggled enough and want this to end. Indeed I know it is completely in my hands. I have some ideas to cope with it. It may be easy and good to start accepting that perfectionism is not about high standards it is about unrealistic standards. So adjusting our standards and expectations deserves a chance to be considered. To deal with constant procrastination, creating realistic schedules, and breaking down larger tasks into manageable steps might be helpful. Making small changes is a better way to make the process easier such as arriving at a meeting on time rather than ten minutes earlier.
Easier said than done, I know…But I am in the same boat. Realizing that this life is given us a gift and making it better to live in marvelous conditions is up to us. So let’s start now not next Monday. With little steps day by day we will see it works. Felling freer and at ease will give us the power to keep going.
Empathy refers to “feeling what another person is feeling.“. Compassion on the other hand means “to suffer with”. I have been wondering so long do I have to be this compassionate that makes me overly sensitive. I have been always obsessed to be understood completely and truly plus I do what I expect from others maybe more.
But as an empath in this chaotic world, unfortunately, we are constantly being misunderstood, even though we keep understanding of others, including their hidden motives and emotions. This does not sound fair at all.Sometimes I found myself drowning in someone else’s pain deeply and desperately and so much pain that I can not deal with makes me feel depressed and intense. At that moment I feel like I have to do something to make the sufferer relief and saved. I remind myself that my inner strength causes this so I try to soothe myself by thinking from this angle.
But to speak of disadvantages I have experienced so far, it is not easy to cope with them all; While constantly battling with emotional fatigue, small things have the power to upset me, saying no to someone makes me feel like I am disappointing them, putting boundaries is kind of impossible which is essential for any relationship.
In this writing, I have chosen to mention the dark side of compassion and empathy as you see.I am so sick of fighting this. Too hard to handle with. There is nothing heavier than compassion. Not even my pain weighs so heavy as the pain I feel with someone.This much suffering made me decided that “Too much of a good thing is bad.”.If people in this cruel world may have a little bit of compassion and empathy, this world would be a more decent and livable place to maintain lives for people, especially with a gentle heart.
All my life, I suffer from a lack of freedom which is so not in my character. Everything an’ all which restricted me or limited me turned me into a warrior of freedom sneakily. However, being a perfectionist forced me to do all requirements in order not to hear any reprimand or blame. I can see presently that I have not been an actual warrior at all, since I could never give priority to my desires. On the contrary, I preferred to stay safe in my comfort zone rather than pushing my limits to achieve what I want. Maybe I feared the battling process.
Recently, I realized that I associated freedom with responsibility. The reason for me having been scared is the bearing consequences of my own choices. Everything is my responsibility, plus this is not familiar to me. So I stayed silent and followed all rules so far. Having someone who does all the calls maybe lighten my burden made me feel safer.
But now I blame myself, I could have been braver and taken more risks to reach my goals. I have always had excuses to put others before me and my dreams. Being an overemphasized and merciful person stopped me somehow and I fight to push limits only as much as my family can do away with. Better late than never I am awake now…
Ever since I could remember, I have chosen writing things down as a way of escaping reality. I have thought that it could help me to see what I have been through so far from a distance. Thus and thus I can consider the ways how to rectify and evaluate them rationally. But the crystal clear fact is that I have always put them down when I feel not okay, depressed, under the weather, or alone. I don’t know the number of my diaries that I have kept so far. Some of them were thrown away because of the feeling of embarrassment or lack of self-acceptance. However, I can’t deny it helped me somehow from time to time. At least I could get my head together, thanks to writing. I have never thought that I could share my writing with people who have no idea about me. Like all people in the world, I have life going on as well. Sometimes I have gone through hoops, whiles I have achieved success. I have cried, laughed, thought about suicide attempts… But I am here with all my flaws and rawness. I learned no to feel cheap, probably I still am. As long as it makes me alive, fertile, and creative, I will be stick to it. What makes me “me” is the things I have done by now is not it, whether good or bad…