Fear of freedom

All my life, I suffer from a lack of freedom which is so not in my character. Everything an’ all which restricted me or limited me turned me into a warrior of freedom sneakily. However, being a perfectionist forced me to do all requirements in order not to hear any reprimand or blame. I can see presently that I have not been an actual warrior at all, since I could never give priority to my desires. On the contrary, I preferred to stay safe in my comfort zone rather than pushing my limits to achieve what I want. Maybe I feared the battling process.

Recently, I realized that I associated freedom with responsibility. The reason for me having been scared is the bearing consequences of my own choices. Everything is my responsibility, plus this is not familiar to me. So I stayed silent and followed all rules so far. Having someone who does all the calls maybe lighten my burden made me feel safer.

But now I blame myself, I could have been braver and taken more risks to reach my goals. I have always had excuses to put others before me and my dreams. Being an overemphasized and merciful person stopped me somehow and I fight to push limits only as much as my family can do away with. Better late than never I am awake now…

3 thoughts on “Fear of freedom

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